Power to Forgive – Part 2…

Hi EveryOne,

How is this Power going for you?…. For me personally I’ve been ‘re-sitting’ a couple of ‘tests’ as I came across some old, hard to detect bumps in the road to self empowerment. Though I am grateful for the opportunities to ‘check and change’ myself, it did take me a little by surprise and took a couple days to work through. After all the internal change I’ve been diligently making, the deep habit (no lets call it what it is – the deep addiction) of minimizing my own value to make others feel better about themselves, was clearly still there. You know, when we adopt what we as Brahma Kumaris call our ‘survival faces’ it’s difficult to recognize any unhealed parts in ourselves. Self deception can take the form of many masks and the more we work on ourselves, the more subtle the masks become and the more subtle the trap! Accepting that forgiveness can only take place within me – that it really has nothing to do with the ‘other person’ – is very helpful. So I needed to be gentle with myself while I did some more work on forgiving myself – as I caught myself once again behaving in an inferior way to others.

When I place myself ‘below’ others in an automated way – a deeply unconscious habit waiting for a weak moment – I automatically give others permission to make me feel inferior… It’s not their fault, they’re simply playing their role and on a subtle level, I’ve asked them to come and show me what I still need to change within myself. So no point beating myself up or I will need to forgive myself for that too 🙂 Instead, giving myself credit that yes I have certainly passed many life exams, I simply needed to ‘re-sit’ those that I didn’t get quite right yet… These tests showed me that I can still be vulnerable to certain dominant people (no matter how subtle they appear) yet they are simply there to help me overcome that…

Interesting though how when these situations come in front of us, we immediately go back to old behaviors (old survival faces). Here’s a couple of brief examples… Firstly, it became glaringly obvious that I need to pay closer attention and be more vigilant when I’m tired. It’s an arena for easy manipulations and projections, that when weak or vulnerable, I can still be ‘pulled in’ before even noticing what’s happening. I still fall in the trap of buying the rubbish of others and making it my own…. When I visited my Rheumatologist I allowed her to make me feel inadequate and like a little scorned child, I left her office with my ‘tail between my legs. She wouldn’t let me speak and kept interrupting me with a superior attitude. I was tired and confused as she talked adamantly about ‘my’ rheumatoid arthritis – though last time she insisted it was fibromyalgia… When questioned she reluctantly suggested that it’s ‘possibly crossing over into lupus’…. But quickly added ‘it’s not important because you’ll be taking the same medication anyway’. I allowed her to treat me in a very dismissive, non-caring way – but didn’t really ‘see’ it till after the appointment, as I was too busy behaving in a disempowered manner!… But as I said, it really had nothing to do with her – I had to forgive her for playing that role and really needed to be grateful for helping me recognize what I needed to change – not an easy lesson but powerful none-the-less…. I also met up with an old acquaintance who also has a way of making me feel inadequate – but again, not her fault – I was giving her permission by handing over my power. And again, I didn’t recognize it till I was walking away feeling very heavy and deflated…

But I can see it clearly now!… So thank you for helping me see this, I’ll continue to work on not letting it happen again in the future :)… I have forgiven myself for blindly falling into these traps again and gave myself a pat on the back for not staying ‘stuck’ too long. I’ve recognized the lesson, I’ve picked myself up and dusted myself off, I’ve checked which other powers were lacking within me at the time and I’ve changed painful lessons into powerful experiences 🙂

Questions to churn on:

– How much time do I waste on self pity?

– What can I do now to prevent myself from this vulnerable behavior in the future?

– What other powers can I use to help me change this behavior permanently?

Lesson:
While accepting our vulnerabilities we can simultaneously turn them into strengths by consciously and courageously ‘facing’ the tests head-on. It’s easy to cower away into a little corner and allow life to defeat us – particularly when we are fatigued – but to stop… to breathe…. to accept…. to forgive… to let go…. and to continue moving forward – takes experience, love, forgiveness and respect.

Looking forward to receiving your contributions… Thank you to those who have already responded – keep shining everyone. Happy Forgiving, Lots of love Annemarie

ps… Just a reminder for those on the Sunshine Coast… Four Faces of Woman Program – Sat 1st November – if you wish to come and haven’t booked yet, please let me know soon. Bookings are required and we are filling up fast 🙂