WonderFull Living Newsletter

The Simple Act of Giving…

Is the simple act of giving really as simple as we like to think? In a world of misplaced self-entitlement and expectation is it really possible to give without wanting a return – no expectations, no hidden agendas, no strings attached?… After all, a gift is a gift right?… Or is it?!… Do you give to give or do you give to get?

Giving is an Art – an ability to give just for the sake of giving – nothing more. No matter what we give – our love, our time, our money, our knowledge – it’s a skill that requires courage and generosity of heart. When we expect any kind of restitution, the value of giving is lost. Wanting someone to love us back, or even wanting a simple thank you – is conditional – I love you and now you have to love me back; I gave to you and now you have to thank me. Any relationship that has the burden of expectations placed on it will struggle to survive, but truth is, most of us have some expectation as we barter our way through life. Many will give to feel good about themselves however, when it’s not acknowledged they feel hurt. Of course it’s always nice to feel loved and appreciated but we can NEVER expect it. Expectation breeds blame – an obvious state of current worldly problems.That is not to say that we should let others take advantage of us or that divine manners have no place. On the contrary, true generosity simply means to know when I can and when I can’t give – it has nothing to do with how others behave! Knowing when I can say yes and knowing when I need to say no makes giving a true Art!

Being clear as to why we are giving to another is important in order to cut away the strings of attachment. So next time you give, ask yourself why you are doing it. Am I doing it because I want to or because I am compelled to? Am I happy to do it and walk away silently – without credit or applause, without obligation, without reimbursement of any kind? Or am I seeking something back – is there even the smallest agenda behind what I am doing?… Perhaps you think that you can call in the favor at a later date – believing that they now owe you. Perhaps you think others are watching, so you give out of fear and compulsion. Maybe on a deeper level you help or give to others to be liked. Maybe you believe ‘they can’t do it’ on their own – that they ‘need’ your help. Maybe you are searching for some validation or wanting some control by making others dependent on you (if I ‘hold out’ I can punish others; if I ‘hold out’ I have control). Maybe you simply want some recognition or respect. It really makes no difference what kind ‘pay-out’ we seek! When our invisible strings remain firmly tied to our hidden agendas – in a world congested with narcissism, fear and deception – self deception remains the hardest to detect! Self deception creates projection and suspicion, making giving from the heart increasingly difficult.

Today it’s rare to receive something unconditional. You know, when I offer free community programs on our travels many people don’t trust it, they are suspicious and therefore don’t value it – sad but true! The fear of me wanting something from them, stops them from attending or at the very least, it takes a while for them to trust what I am giving is genuine and for free. Of course I still have to charge for certain programs and workshops – I’ve put much time, effort and financial cost into getting ‘qualified’ and truth is, we need money to sustain ourselves. As much as we (my partner and I) love to tour Australia and keep offering free programs along the way, we both still need to work for a living. However, what we are able to offer for free, we give generously with love from our heart!

What I’ve learnt along my path of Self discovery is that the only time we can truly give to others without expectation, is when we keep ourselves full – full of self love. If we give from an empty heart space, make no mistake – we will at some point want something back. We may genuinely believe we have good intention but instead we start to resent others for ‘taking from us’. When we are too busy ‘giving’, we miss the fact that we do it because we feel empty. Instead of bringing joy we create sorrow – we block others from giving to us as we block ourselves from receiving – then we blame them! Continually opening up to ways to love myself is one sure way to keep myself full – it’s the best gift we can give today. With so much sorrow in the world, the greatest gift is to allow anyone feeling sad to take a bit of your happiness because you are constantly overflowing!… Just imagine what a wonderful world this can be when we are each so full that we are able to give just a little without ever needing to take something back 🙂

Question: What’s my agenda when I give?

Consideration: Why do I place conditions on what I give to others?

Activity: Check yourself with honesty, each time you give/do for another. If you find yourself wanting them to respond in any way – breathe, then let go of that expectation… Then give/do it anyway!… Smile and simply walk away!… Pat yourself on the back 🙂 (This action may seem simple enough but it’s worthy of patting yourself on the back. In reality, it’s not that easy because we allow ego and emotions to get in the way!)

Love Annemarie